I didnt sleep last night, just never got tired, or so tired that my body forgot how to act. I layed in bed with sarah for 5 or six hours, stairing at the moving colors half paying attention have listening to her snore. I used these mechanical extension of an arm to make my way to the bathroom and stood in the mirror for what seemed like forever, time froze, and for what felt like a eternity i stared at a person i didnt know. i tryed to figure out who this other person was and why he was staring at me. And at that moment i reckonized the person, its was my mother and fathers' son, my brother and sisters' sibling, Sarah's soulmate, and a friend to a bunch of really amazing peoplee who have yet to realize how amazing and impactful they are. He had hair like i thought i did, he had a nose like mine is, he had a plaid shirt like i did. After realizing this i realized i had no idea who this person was. And at that moment i didnt know who i was and what i was doing here. I was purely definable by the eyes of everyone but my self, lol my self, im not sure what that means. Is it okay to not know who you are? How concious are we? How much of this is really happening? I wanted the person in the mirror to say something, anything. Tell me that everything will be okay, tell me that the world wasnt going to shit, to tell me that everything happens for a reason. Its a tricky situation having and argument with your own pysche. Part of your brain wants to be completely literal and analytical and part of it wants to be in a world where anyone is capable of anything. The truth is, that it is all webbed togethor and life is the process of trying to untangle it all. I geuss thats what im trying to say. I feel like i am stuck in one of those really tricky parts of a tangle where you think " maybe ill just go buy a new piece of rope, or maybe i just cut it all apart then tie it back to togethor when its all sorted out. Look in the mirror after you read this. Give yourself and the person staring back at you ten minutes to soak it in. Try to see you the way you expected it to look, try to see the you you think everyone else sees. Realize you have no idea what you look like inside or out, when you do figure it all out let me know how, and ill call you my savior and ill know the answer to everything. Because the answers are inside of us, we are all just to afraid to ask the right questions. Where? Why? When? Just dont spend to long in the mirror. A man with two watches will never be certain what time it is.
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I know you.... maybe thats all we need... to have someone else know us, know who we really are. I dont know myself about 95% of the time, but i find assurance in knowing that you know me... thus the term you knowing me better then i know myself... if we always knew and were always sure of ourselves, wouldnt that defeat the purpose of curiosity or temptation, and like christopher moore says... how can there be growth without temptation or curiosity. We are meant to explore and learn about ourselves... and because change is inevitable, we will always have something new to discover and learn, as we change. You dont always need to know who you are, you have me to help when you get lost. And i have found alot of comfort knowing i have you there when im not so sure of myself. The whole purpose of soul mates is to be the other half, to stand up for you when you cant find the strength, to speak for you when you cant find the words, and to love you even when you've lost all hope... We are not meant to live solely and to know solely, what good is knowledge or power if there is noone to share it with... sometimes you just need look at whos next to you not whos reflected of you, to find who you are.
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