A flash of light thats letting go....

I am utterly fascinating with the idea of perception over sight and cant decide whether one is more important than the other or if both exist. Try to comprehend light and seeing, actually what ever you do DONT try to comprehend sight or luminosity because you can blind yourself from and be stuck in ur own world 24/7 or are you already there?
I talk in circle and loop around the same notion, What i see a beautiful and magnificent another can find putrid and vial, ive given my self a headache racking my brain in analytcal thought and the final destination is that living in the current moment is the only possible way to not drive your self eternally insane. so the choice is whether u choose not to analyze and live in ignorance? The blades came over again and this existential blender continues to mesh our brains a pulp, drink it down a digest your own thoughts from an out side perspective and maybe an answer will arrive, but do u really want the questions to be answered?

Those Lights...in the sky!!

The moon will not look like this for a couple decades you can see venus and something else shining brighter than usaul. Its an awkward merge but i think it describes the scene and the time in which i shot it. Enjoy!!

Conversation with Danny

This image and a drive with sarah made me type this statement to Danny, i felt the image is perfect for dialogue.

11/27/08, 11:43 PM
Me:
Maybe its not fog we drove through,
maybe it was a river of souls begging to be seen.
The whistle in our ears was not the wind
but a single voice breaking the vessel of the spiritual world
Shattering the boundry between alive and awake
connecting us with the past.
Preparing us for what lies ahead.
11:45 PM
Danny:
in the wake of it all, what was it that we had planned, when vessels begin to fill, how much do we have left until it overflows
Me:
dare we drink from the black water?
Danny:
or shall we drown in the white air?
Me:
or shall we figure out a way to combine the two and make the spirits rain down apon our body, energizing us with the knowledge un fathomable until this storm arose
Danny:
for sometimes the calm is the turbulent and the breaking of the fog the truth, for when celestial figures align
will we still be who once were
11:50 PM
or who we regret we arent tomorrow?
Me:
maybe when the planet align and the moon is at its brightest we see the the past the present and the future mean nothing with out someone to share them with
planets**
what does it matter who we are, if there is know one to agree that we are what we have become, if there is no one present to see an individual progress is there ever really a development of character?
Danny:
if we rely upon others to confirm our beliefs in who we are than is there really and indivduality?
Me:
touche

Home

Took this last time i was at home. PLayed with the cars and stuff, maybe alittle too much much maybe not enough, im not sure about it. Any ideas are very much helpful.

more...

more from personal essay post

Personal Essay

This stuff is for a Personal essay for my Social Documentary class. I havent been to the graveyard cents we buried dad. I felt like i would spoil how important of a moment it was. It was damp and mucky and there were only a few of us there when the pastor begin to say what he said in such biblical importance. And just like in the movies as the pastor said " As i walk into the valley of...." thunder roars and the drizzle began to intensify. I wanted to save this as my last memory of him, but i realize now that although the hurt it cause me, losing him, is shared. I wasnt the only person to lose someone. i wasnt the only person to feel a gaping hole in my heart which can only be known today as a scar. My family shared this moment and i decided to confront what ever it was keeping me away from the graveyard. So i took an expert with me. I needed to rebuild a connection with Britt. She is one of my main inspirations now. She makes me want to try even harder. She is trully a stone in the cirle that protects me known as my walls. Thanks you Brittany!! thanks for being a sister that know one could even ask for becasue you so unique.

You know it seems that the only time man can finally organize him self into a perfect order of things is in a graveyard when he is dead. I dont know...

Logan.....being Logan(badass)

This is the first of many Veritcal panoramic style images i want to do. The beauty is that even if i have just a 10 megapixel camera this is comprised of many images which bring up my all over resolution, Basically I could print this image as big as i want. Especially taking into account that there are ways to expand an image loselessly. Im trying to play with the focusing and the size of objects in the frame. Idk, i like it and i want to do more.

Old vs. New

I forget where Frank and I were headed but he parked right behind this house. Something about the overgrown quality and the the boat give it an interesting feel. Im nto sure exactly why i like it or why i took the picture, but i took like 50 so i could photomerge them and get the perspective i wanted. Frank decided to shoot it as well, in the midst of my rapid fire shutter he causually got out his light meter and 120 film based camera and by the time i finish all my shooting he took one frame and out his camera away. I respect that in a way.

Beach...

i made dinner last night, The moonlight was so nice we absolutely need to go to the beach, the weather was perfect the amount of moonligh was perfect, the music was perfect the car ride was perfect. We could do that everynight and it would fit in perfectly. I am becoming more and more nocturnal. She like to fall asleep togethor, i usually abide by this then awaken and gaze at the glowing screen for a while. Im getting more efficiently productive in my workflow, everything is getting easier. Boy im really up or down huh? I geuss it makes for an interesting creative
process.

Alternate Reality...

There is more than one reality in this world or universe. The reality most commonly referred to is the one that we all subscribe to, the one where we all breathe air and feel the effects of gravity. What reality means more to humans? The one that we are all forced to subscribe to or the one that as individuals we put more of ourselves into? How many people do u think are sitting in front of a computer connected to the Internet right now? The more technology advances the easier it is to spend the majority of your time …..plugged in. A good example for what im talking about would be The Matrix Trilogy. A majority of the living human beings never even get to here the idea that this is a virtual world that they are plugged into. In the movie the ‘Real” world has gone to shit and now people are harvested by machines and never actually born, but plugged into a computer program, a virtual mockery of the world we all subscribe to now. My point is that “ who says which reality is most worth pursuing? Which reality will keep you living long a prosperous or short and terrible? The more that alternate realities like the Internet and videogames get easier and more instinctual to operate the more a divide is created in the species of man. The very thing we created to communicate more efficiently has or could be the very thing that divides us completely. A race of beings that only no contact through this electrical complexity known as a computer and a race of beings that know only the original senses that man evolved into having. Computer people and Pure people. I can see it all now…lol. The only way for this to work is if as individuals we figure out the balance between the realities that we are all apart of. I have a friend who admits flat out that World of War craft could have possibly ruined his life he wouldn’t have stopped playing. The more that he finds the balance between the reality that his imagination takes him into and the one we all see the happier he becomes.
Or maybe the ever-growing technological world is simply the new evolutionary level of man, maybe these alternate realities aren’t as dangerous as it may seem to us. Having millions of people subscribing to many different realities could really push the ideas of understanding the individual and collective perspectives. Maybe man will actually find a way to communicate even half way effectively.

....i dont know

These are more from my visual journal, i wonder if i can take a picture of someone or something and then forget about it. I think if i take a picture of something, if i put a viewfinder to my eye and pull the trigger its emplanted into my mind for ever....i dont know.

Portrait

I was editing this diptic and realized this wasnt my art. I set the camera up and I handed it to her but, sarah decided when to take the picture and what it would look like, in a way im just the retoucher...this is sarah art work. I love her, she could be just as good of or better of a photographer.....hmmmmmmm.

Images from my video for Digital Storytelling

These images are from a silent video i had to make for my Digital Story telling class, the sequence images are from stop motion excerpts and the head phones are the first shot of the video.
The video was to illustrate the feelings that i get whe n ilisten to music, i cant really explain with words how impactive music is in my life....hopefully my images will be able to do that some day.

REMEMBER IF U WANT A LARGER VIEW TO CLICK ON THE...PIC

Idea

so for a while i have been thinking about these multimedia type of gallery presentations that i absolutly have wanted to do, and a recent discussion has made my idea more relivent and doable, so this may be the first print thats used, really i just wanted show off this pic lol......i likes it

"How to" asignment:

Love
Basically, I wanted to give a “ how to” on love. I decided to do this by illustrating the classic children’s game of picking a part a flower and chanting “ she loves me, she loves me not, until finally the flower is empty and the decision is made. I feel this is a good representation of love how I see it. We pick each other apart furiously in every way shape or form until we have nothing but a huge mess of clothes and emotions, which is where a lot of relationships end, a dead flower. What people tend to forget about is that which grows from the mess we create. All the picking apart and fighting is simply us sowing our seeds and planting new ideas in each others minds, one thing/moment dies and gives birth to a new thing /moment, until eventually through the process of experience we realize that its not the results we are looking for its the fact that we are looking for them with each other.

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More Visual Journal entries

So i jus realized that this blogger makes everything alot less contrasty, so the final images look much better then how they are presented on the screen. My visual journal is going to pretty much be an autobiography, well i say that like its MY idea, but thats simply what a visual journal is a image of my life.

Visual Journal First

In my digital story telling class i have to start keeping a visual journal, should have done it a long time ago but no i have to so....here ya go

Sara takes really awesome shots sometimes, like she looks a certain way moves a certain way and the light on her glows and bam...a beautiful image......a a beautiful women.

First shoot in a while

Trying to get into the swing of things, this is my first shoot in a while, i had to shoot sarasota as i see it or what not, I dnt liek the people much i like being in the city when its late and knowone is around.

Hmmm

I havent written anything lately, i feel on the verge of a great idea but i just cant reach it, the words and images are swirling around just outside my feild of view and understanding, its 5 oclock in the mourning, im wide awake, this happens all the time, ill suffer the reprocutions tommorrow, but its worth it. There is a time at night quite late where the world is quite, where all the bad energy is asleep. My mind clears my body relaxes and i get alot of my hardcore thinking done, i have no priorities because no one is awake to remind me of them. Good thing she isnt a light sleeper, or maybe she jus pretends to sleep while i type way. Im going no where with this, as unconfuse and relaxed as i am i still cant seem to get my thoughts confined in one area of my brain enough to spout anything worth .......spouting.

Dock House

So i finally decided to get off my butt and gotake some pictures. This is the only successful of about an hour of shooting, maybe less. I have a bunch of conceptual ideas but i dont think i can really do them without being in the studio. I just wanted some feedback and what not about this shot.....yeh i know its a very cliche one, but every shot can be new and ground breaking lol, sometimes just pretty. I want to go back and shoot this again at a different time maybe do a panorama or something, i dont know, just felt good to get out and shoot. Talk to ya later!!!

3 of the haziest years...

I didnt sleep last night, just never got tired, or so tired that my body forgot how to act. I layed in bed with sarah for 5 or six hours, stairing at the moving colors half paying attention have listening to her snore. I used these mechanical extension of an arm to make my way to the bathroom and stood in the mirror for what seemed like forever, time froze, and for what felt like a eternity i stared at a person i didnt know. i tryed to figure out who this other person was and why he was staring at me. And at that moment i reckonized the person, its was my mother and fathers' son, my brother and sisters' sibling, Sarah's soulmate, and a friend to a bunch of really amazing peoplee who have yet to realize how amazing and impactful they are. He had hair like i thought i did, he had a nose like mine is, he had a plaid shirt like i did. After realizing this i realized i had no idea who this person was. And at that moment i didnt know who i was and what i was doing here. I was purely definable by the eyes of everyone but my self, lol my self, im not sure what that means. Is it okay to not know who you are? How concious are we? How much of this is really happening? I wanted the person in the mirror to say something, anything. Tell me that everything will be okay, tell me that the world wasnt going to shit, to tell me that everything happens for a reason. Its a tricky situation having and argument with your own pysche. Part of your brain wants to be completely literal and analytical and part of it wants to be in a world where anyone is capable of anything. The truth is, that it is all webbed togethor and life is the process of trying to untangle it all. I geuss thats what im trying to say. I feel like i am stuck in one of those really tricky parts of a tangle where you think " maybe ill just go buy a new piece of rope, or maybe i just cut it all apart then tie it back to togethor when its all sorted out. Look in the mirror after you read this. Give yourself and the person staring back at you ten minutes to soak it in. Try to see you the way you expected it to look, try to see the you you think everyone else sees. Realize you have no idea what you look like inside or out, when you do figure it all out let me know how, and ill call you my savior and ill know the answer to everything. Because the answers are inside of us, we are all just to afraid to ask the right questions. Where? Why? When? Just dont spend to long in the mirror. A man with two watches will never be certain what time it is.

Cant Sleep

This is the third night in a row.....i cant sleep. Sarah would say that my sleep cycle is off because i would stay up late then sleep all day. Can a person make themselfs nocturnal? Do people really need daylight? You know i have always been interested in Vampires. Walkers of the night. You know they say that when a Vampire bites you the sensation is better than sex.....yes people do look like they are in alot of pain when bitten by a vampire.....but........dont most virgins look alittle......in pain. Actually it is said that the person who is being bittens soul is intertwined with the biter. Maybe my mind is just telling me to become a vampire. Come to think about it i am not very fond of silver......or steaks...wooden. But i dont think i can give up garlic. No way!!! And blood doesnt taste that good......if you have ever tasted a penny then you know what blood tastes like.......and if who ever is reading this doesnt know what a penny or thier own blood tastes like then YOU ARE WAY NOT CURIOUS ENOUGH!! I almost swallowed a penny one time.....it freaked me out and i almost choked actually. I did how ever swallow the tab to a coke can........shit.............i hope that it made all the way through and its not gunna get lodged in some crazy area of my body.......I dont my tomb stone to say..........RIP James "One Coke To Many" or something funnier, that would sounded witty and sarcastic fitting with a soda pop thats right pop...theme..........Good Night!!!! Hopefully

The Weekend

Mawd and Carina came to visit this weekend. I really needed to see someone from home. Mawd has the most random one track mind process that is jsut fun to be around and Carina tells it straight and doesnt bullshit. They are perfect for each other. I think Sarah and I Just like being around other couples, you can have discussions that sometimes dont come up. Im not sure how to explain it. Here is a shot of the both of them chillin on the couch. i live the light that comes in through that window at that time.

There goes the summer

Sometimes we plan out exactly how the summer will go and the only way we will be happy is if it works out that way. Monday night pretty much secured that my summer will be anything but what i wanted it to be. I broke my foot. Logan jumped off the couch i caught him and snap. Not even a cool interesting story. Just two guys horsing around and a stupid step that resulted in me being a little depressed baby, because i hate not being able to do what i want when i want. Thank god i have such an amazing girlfriend. I feel so bad having to make her help me and i know she doesnt think of it as a job but i know she will get frustrated with me at some point. I just want to be surrounded with all my friends so they can make fun of me and tell i shouldnt ever drink alchol ever again. Pretty much this has been the worst 48 hrs. We were haven fun drink and bullshitting and then next thing you know im passed out in the upstairs bathroom covered in my own throw up.(naked) Fortunatly im not as insecure as i use to be. Thank god Logan and Sabrina are so layed back, they tryed to take care of me so sarah wouldnt have to be freakedout by all the puke. They really felt like parents. all i wanted was her though, i felt like thats all i kept saying" wheres sarah, wheres sarah!!" Neways i have a couple of really interesting months on the way, im hoping it will just force Sarah and i to get even closer. I dont know what i would do without her in my life. I would be lost and out of control with out her. She is my muse, my life, my lover, my care taker, my secret sexy witch in the novel that playsout in my mind. She has cast her spell and i willing let it take me over.

Couple of New Ones

self portrait in a window



The Last Days of Tori's Plant(its dead now!)

I have been feeling a little...lost lately. Well sense school ended i feel kind of liek i need to be do something. I geuss im getting the gene from my mom and grandpa. I jsut have to be doing something productive or i just dont feel right. But i also have a very lazy streak. it's quite competing. So i decided instead of going out and shooting, you know fresh air, the sun, i decided to back into the archives and see if i had any talent before i learned anything in the last couple years. I found a few photos worth editing. Here they are.

New Work.....End of Year thoughts.

Understanding In A Car Crash




I havent put anything new up in a while and i just finished Documenting my work from Alternative process class. My favorite one is the one etitled Understanding In A Car Crash. I illustrated one of my favorite songs called....well of course Understanding In A Car Crash. Its by the Band named Thursday. The song is about an experience the lead singer had when he was younger that i can kind of relate to. He was Driving in the car with his girlfriend/his love and his car was Tboned on her side of the car. She died and he has never recovered fully. And thats the idea, this bad horrible shit happens to us sometimes and alot of the time we never recover. We grow and we learn but your never the same person agian. After you get done reading this you'll never be the same person. Everytime you make contact with someone and they understand what your saying they will never be the same. Are bodies and minds go through a continious state of change. Think about it, you are not a solid, the matter in our bodies is simply made of microscopic atoms that are always in this crazy dance known as energy amd motion. Finding the balance is key to not repeating the same bad happenings from.....well happening all over again. We are both blessed and cursed with this thing called a memory. But we are also blessed with the ability to see the past in a differenet state of mind and make a bad situation a good one. Life is a constant problem solving game. What should i wear? How mood should i be in today? Diet coke or regular? We have a choice with how to deal with every situation whether it be in the moment or in retrospect. we have a choice whether to make or life positive experience. I knwo it sounds like im lecturing, well this is the only way i can lecture my self. This school year has come to an end and its Awesome and sucky at the same time. It means no pressure and deadlives but it also means lack of frined contact. The situation is awkward becasue im not sure how to feel. No school means more time with Sarah, Mom, Britt, Erik...and all my friends and family from home but it also means less sammy and alex and sabrina and all my frineds from school. The truth is i should stop worrying about it. I jsut have to get better at communicating not person to person. I plan on watching alot of movies and relaxing alot this summer. Recharge my batteries. I may take a small break from shooting and editing to get all my stuff organized and in line. Im sures theres more to say but....there always is but.....i got shit to do.

Google

Sarah decided for some reason to google my names. She typed: James Ryan DeL'Etoile
The result appeared to be number three on google. Thats pretty cool. Everyone uses Google. just needed to say that!

Concept of Time

These are for an assignment entitled " Concept of Time". I have many thoughts about time and the ideas in which dont exist enless time does. I could have done alot of cliche long exposure shots of traffic or something like ive always done. This idea kind of branches through a variety of time and time realated ideas. One shot is static and shows time been frozen the other shows movement and motion and the chaos in which TIME can bring. Time i believe is really ones point of view and understanding of the beginning and or end of something. One images show a living breathing REAL person, one who exists in the present, the second shows kind of the person starting to be absorbed into the chaos of life and love. Also, i tryed to give the images a vintage feel, I wanted them to be viewd in a Stereograph sort of way. Enjoy! Critique please!!

Picture A Day

Im going to try out and idea this summer. The official starting date has not been decided but, sometime after school ends I want to start a one picture a day. I tend to do my best work by walking, running, or driving around with sarah. I like to just find random naturally or man made events or things. I shoot them and then edit them to show the viewer how i see the world or that particular event in the world. Certain things i just find either very funny or just plane amusing that most people would just go by with out noticing.
Sabrina and I were walking back to class today and for no reason her Flip Flops just quit on her. They just decided that they didn't like her and more and she was stranded with one lonely sandal.






When I was leaving this morning I got alittle wierd/grossed out. Water was coming up through the man hole covers on our block. It was an interesting sight to see first thing in the morning. I didnt need coffee to wake me up. Just the smell.